Pity turns to Fury turns to Resignation

leaving.
leaving.
lee-ving. or is it leeve-eeng?
ell ee ay vee eye en gee.
how long until it stops looking like a word to me?
it's a deceptively quick and easy verb
"to leave"
I leave, you leave, he/she/it leaves
I've used it for years
so why didn't anyone warn me?
how many people do I know have become aware of the wrench
in such a simple word?
two syllables.
is that all it takes to break your heart?
"I'm leaving"
and suddenly I've cut up your world
smiled at the pieces sadly
then just... left?
"done" is another one
but that word has more finality to it
like a period. "I'm done." full stop. clean break.
why couldn't I say that?
leaving feels so unfinished
as if I abandoned a child at a friend's house
"I'm leaving, but I'll be back, I promise"
like I could come back (I can't, I'm sorry, I know)
"leaving" you with all this hope and sadness
after we "shared" a life together
it wasn't really ours
it wasn't really me
you stole my feathered mantle in the first place
and I gave you my heart with time
time that you stole from me but that I never begrudged you
only one thing I asked
"faithful"
full of faith? were you? did you?
I don't think so
there were other jewels to be had
with unpronounceable names that mean nothing
but you "wanted" them
isn't that so you?
want want want want
never me, never special, never true
I was the star sapphire that you delighted in and then threw away
and I hurt
"hurt"
it's too simple
there's not enough to that word
but how else can I say it?
after I "hurt" I "wanted" too
fierce and uncaring
and I "had", so to speak
anything and everything
turns out the world lies down and parts for the sapphires
did you know that?
did you know anything?
you gave me back my stolen coat
then blamed me when I flew away
say it was my fault my choice my everything
but did you think that I would give up the celestial skies for mortality?
"leaving"
it always comes down to that, doesn't it?
who left first?
when?
why?
whowhowhowho
as if it mattered
leaving doesn't care
and now neither do I.